


Landslide

by PadawanMine



Series: A Different Master/Padawan Pair [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Not Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 12:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8373043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadawanMine/pseuds/PadawanMine
Summary: Everything changed after New Apsolon. My life was divided in two; there was before New Apsolon and there was after. It wasn’t just Tahl that died on that Force-forsaken rock, Qui-Gon died too and so did a part of Bant. In one foul swoop, I lost the three people in the world that were most important to me. Tahl might have been the only one to physically leave but the other two certainly followed mentally. The worst part though, was that it was all my fault, if it hadn’t been for me Tahl would have lived. The title is taken from Fleetwood Mac's song "Landslide".





	1. Obi-Wan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is probably the most self-indulgent piece I've ever written. Everyone is completely out of character and I have butchered plots from the Jedi Apprentice series for my own devices. If you're a Qui-Gon fan this probably isn't the story for you. (Sorry, I love Qui but my characters decided that he was the bad guy this time). Anyway, enjoy the angst. So. Much. Angst.
> 
> PadawanMine x

_Well, you couldn’t be that man I adored, you don’t seem to know or seem to care what your heart is for._  
-Natalie Imbrulia  
  
Everything changed after New Apsolon. My life was divided in two; there was before New Apsolon and there was after. It wasn’t just Tahl that died on that Force-forsaken rock, Qui-Gon died too and so did a part of Bant. In one foul swoop, I lost the three people in the world that were most important to me. Tahl might have been the only one to physically leave but the other two certainly followed mentally. The worst part though, was that it was all my fault, if it hadn’t been for me Tahl would have lived.  
  
My Master and I had never been close, not like Tahl and Bant were. If they were a family then I was the annoying neighbour that insisted on popping round, they tolerated me surely enough but I was never one of them.  
  
Bant doesn’t talk to me anymore.  
  
Qui-Gon might as well not talk to me either, every day I watch him slip further away. I watch him now, sitting on the chair across the room, hands folded on his lap, the picture of Jedi serenity. Yes, he might be sat less than a metre away but in reality he might as well be on the other side of the galaxy. The Orders best negotiator, exemplary warrior and diplomat is a shell of a human. He doesn’t eat if I don’t leave food next to him. I suspect that he forgets that as a human he needs the nutrients, or maybe it’s deliberate and he’s just waiting to fade away. Each day seems to blur now, Qui-Gon is a shape in his room that doesn’t seem to change.  
  
Nobody else seems to notice.  
  
I don’t know how long I can go on like this. I can’t pretend that it’s okay anymore. I thought that if I pretended things were okay that they might become okay. What a child like delusion. The depression seems to be catching, my Master might not be eating but I notice that I’ve lost weight. Robes that once fit comfortably now hang loosely despite the tightened belt. I’m grateful to the large robes though, they hide the fact that I’m so cold all the time. No matter how many layers and blankets I hide under I feel a perpetual chill. I attend my classes like a good little Jedi but it's not enough for me. I feel like I’m drowning, barely holding my head above water and I’m supposed to be rescuing my Master as well as myself. It’s like offering a napkin to a flood victim. It’s not enough.  
  
I’m not enough.   
  
This evening my Master refuses to eat. The plate that sits to one side is ignored completely. The man is just staring into the distance, he's so far away from the sitting room that we’re in. Maybe the distance I’ve felt before has become physical. Maybe he’s finally given up on everything, on me, on living.  
“Master.” I call for him, breaking the perpetual silence. I’m hoping for something, anything. I fear he is lost. Still there is nothing. “Tahl wouldn't want you like this!” I'm begging him now, begging him to be my Master again, to be the man who freaked out every time I ended up in the infirmary, the man who spent nights chasing away my nightmares.  
  
He's not that man anymore.  
  
He’s heard me at least, I can see it in the way his features have frozen, furious. I can feel the anger emanating from him and I get what I wanted.  He turns to me, he’s shaking and then his hand collides with my face.  
“How dare you speak her name?” He hisses, and Force, my face stings and then I’m puffing out sobs uncontrollably.


	2. Xanatos

_My heart is full and my door’s always open, you come anytime you want._  
-Maroon 5  
  
Jedi aren’t supposed to feel emotions like hate but as I’ve been told on more than one occasion I’m not a very good Jedi. Therefore I am not surprised to identify the emotion that I feel as anger. I also have no intention of releasing it to the Force, yet.  
  
I’ve never been a fan of coincidences so it shouldn’t have surprised me that the latest emotional turmoil in my life was caused by the same person that always seemed to cause me issues; my lovely former Master, Qui-Gon Jinn. And no, it’s not paranoia when they really are out to get you. Ironically he and I are more alike that I would ever care to admit. I suppose it’s to be expected after the years I spent as his Padawan. Although after today I hope that nobody ever thinks that I am like that monster.  
  
Like a magnet and iron filings the permanent trouble that is Qui-Gon Jinn has caught me once more. So here I am in a my current predicament, waiting for the high Jedi Council to address me.   
“Knight Crion.” One of the Masters addresses me without preamble. “We have no missions for you.”  
“Said this previously, we have.” Yoda adds, frowning down at me from the raised seats.  
  
The whole Council chamber is designed to intimidate; large windows, high above Coruscant and the twelve most important Jedi sat on would-be thrones, lording it over us normal people. Believe me, when the twelve get going it can be terrifying to stand and await judgement. They’re getting ready to launch into one of their collective lectures, I recognise the behaviour patterns all too well. This time my point is too important to let them go off on one.  
  
A sort of broken smile twists on my face as I address them formally, I suspect it’s rather more of a grimace.  
“Actually Masters I am here to report my concerns about one of the Padawan learners.” A small part of me perversely likes to imagine the Councillors gasping in shock that I’m not begging to escape Coruscant (as per usual) but the matter I’m here for is too serious to joke about and the Councillors are too stoic to do something human like gasping.  
“Continue.” Yoda orders. I don't trust my words to describe the event adequately or fairly so I drop my mental shields allowing the Council to both view, and feel, the memory.  
  
I’m in the Temple archives now, looking for a book on the etiquette of the Nivat region. According to the archivist the book should be in the farthest corner on the west side. As I recall the memory I can feel the Council watch me find the shelves the archivist had referred to and promptly forget my quest as I come across Kenobi. He’s sat, sobbing, little heart-wrenching tears that would sadden the most stony-faced individual. The Council feel my hesitation to interrupt- after all this is Jinn’s Padawan. Then they feel my shock as the boy looks up and I see a distinct, hand shaped bruise marring his pale cheek. The tears and the bruise override my concerns about Jinn. They hear me callously demand an explanation from the boy. “What happened?” They feel my abhorrent anger when Kenobi tells me that it was his fault, that he ‘wound Qui-Gon up’. They watch me hug him fiercely despite our differences, vehemently telling him that there’s nothing he could have done to deserve to be hit. They feel the boy’s confusion even as he clings to the vestige of comfort I provided. They feel me gently place my hand over the bruise and send healing Force.  
  
Then I’m back in the Council chambers, emotions churning once more and I'm sure they can feel my rage now.  
“Discuss this, we must.” Master Yoda says. The troll looks saddened and I'm glad, the image of Kenobi crying is emblazoned across my mind.


	3. Obi-Wan

_Don’t speak, I know just what you’re saying, so please stop explaining, don’t tell me ‘cause it hurts._  
-No Doubt  
  
I couldn't tell you how long it's been since Crion left. Nor can I find the energy to move. The archives feel safe. Oh, how the Padawan of the mighty Qui-Gon Jinn has fallen. Crion’s probably laughing his arse off.  
  
I rest my head on my arms, leaning against the table. Eventually I feel myself start to drift off, I’m emotionally drained and sleep beckons so sweetly. I suppose I ought to go back to our quarters where my bed awaits, but not yet. I don't think I can face him yet. Though I can see nothing but the table and the fabric of the sleeve that covers one arm I hear the footsteps approach.  
“Kenobi.” A voice calls hesitantly, maybe he thinks I'm asleep. I debate ignoring him and then chide myself for being pathetically childish.  
“Knight Crion.” I manage to get the words out without my voice cracking. I hear him settle in the seat next to me and I finally lift my head out of my arms to look at him.  
  
He looks stressed. His dark hair, normally so neatly braided has escaped strands, as if he's been running his hands through it.  
“Are you okay?” I ask. He laughs a little bitterly.  
“I'm sure that I should be asking you that question.” I don’t have any response for that so I say nothing.  
  
We spend the next few minutes in silence, Crion is just watching me.  
“I should go home.” I muse aloud after a while and wonder if Crion can hear my reticence.  
“You cannot be serious.” He manages to simultaneously look both shocked and horrified. In that moment I briefly reprise what I previously thought about him laughing at me, he doesn't look like he's finding this hilarious. “If I hit you,” he continues, “would you go anywhere with me or would you tell me to get stuffed?” I see his point but the situations are not parallels, Qui-Gon is my Master and I am his Padawan. “You'd tell me to get stuffed.” Crion isn't asking me questions now. He grabs my arm, trying to ensure he has my full attention. “You can't let some flawed sense of duty change that. This isn't right Obi-Wan, he shouldn’t have hit you. He’s a Jedi Master not some initiate with anger issues.” His voice is raised and passionate against the quiet of the archives and suddenly I'm lost. Torn.  
  
What do I do now?  
  
Crion says nothing more but pulls me up, putting an arm around me. We walk through the Temple, I’m tucked almost protectively into his side. As we journey I only vaguely recognise the area we're heading towards- the Knight’s quarters. There’s been little reason for me to venture this way in the past.  
  
The rooms we go into are surprisingly bare, or maybe it’s not surprising considering Crion is rumoured to hate Coruscant something chronic. The furniture is comprised of the basic Jedi necessities and nothing else. It doesn't feel like a home and maybe it isn’t one. Unaware of my observations and speculation he sets up the sofa as a bed with blankets and pillows. I yank off my cloak but don’t bother with the rest as I climb in gratefully.  
“Thank you.” I whisper as he turns the light off.  
“Good night little one.” The nickname that should have felt patronising was oddly comforting.  
  
Maybe someone did care about a useless Padawan after all.


	4. Xanatos

_You don't know how lovely you are._  
-Coldplay  
  
The sun is barely starting it's assent when I wake, a habit that’s ingrained in me no matter the time zone. I ignore it's beauty in favour of thinking about my guest. He's still sleeping on the couch as I run a critical eye over him. The arm that rests atop the blanket is thin, too thin for a young man. Worry lines mark his face even in sleep and the bruise is still faintly visible. How long has it been since anyone looked after him?  
  
As if he can hear my thoughts he mumbles something incoherent and wakes up.  
“Morning little one.” I can tell the nickname confuses him but make no effort to explain, I'm not sure I understand myself.  
“Knight Crion.” He’s rapidly alert and formal sounding, despite the early hour.  
“My name is Xanatos or Xan.” I correct him; this ‘Knight Crion’ rubbish is getting old fast. “Do you like cereal?” He nods, so I prepare the only food I’m capable of as he completes his morning's ablutions in the ‘fresher.  
  
He picks at the cereal like a bird, no wonder he is so thin. He glances at me and I just know that he is about to declare himself full. I twist my eyebrows into a deep furrow and frown openly at his half full bowl. He notices my less than subtle action and hurriedly forces down a few more mouthfuls. It's a start, I suppose, so I smile approvingly at him. He brightens under the attention like a flower receiving sunlight and my heart breaks, just a little bit.  
“What’s the plan for the day?” I ask. He frowns but isn’t brave enough to ask why I care.  
“I have lessons?” He says, but doesn’t sound too certain.  
“Okay.” I assure him. “Lessons, food, you’ll probably want some clean stuff from your quarters.” I trail off. That was quite an assumption I’d made, what if he doesn’t want to stay with me? Obi-Wan doesn’t comment on anything I’ve said but asks to borrow a datapad before he leaves for his lessons.  
  
Hmm, if we’re going to be collecting items from Jinn’s place then I need to calm myself. Undoubtedly this will require hours of meditation and sore knees. As I settle down and concentrate on the source of my anger I’m more than shocked that the images with accompany the rage are no longer of a younger me, instead they’re of a small redhead with a vicious bruise on his face.


	5. Obi-Wan

_I just need a sign to tell me I’m alright._  
-We Are The Ocean  
  
It's been less than one standard day, not even 24 hours and everything has changed. I don't know if this is good, I think I might be afraid to hope for that much.  
  
The teacher is droning on about the intricacies of astro-navigation but I'm too wound up to listen properly and this lecture is the first time I’ve really had to think since yesterday. It’s been a whirlwind that I have no control over. A kind of good whirlwind- Crion, I mean Xan has been nothing but kind to me. That will end soon and I will have to go back to a cold apartment and an even colder Master. Force, but I crave that affection.   
  
The hour is over and I’m finally free though I could definitely do with another hour to think. The other Padawans race off to their friends or their Master’s or to wherever they belong. I wonder where I belong these days. I’ve barely moved from my desk in the now empty classroom when the door swings open and Xan walks in.  
“Obi.” He smiles brightly at me. “I thought I’d missed you.”  
“What are you doing here?” I begin to ask but cut myself short. Stupid question Kenobi, he’s looking for you.  
“I thought we could have lunch.” He glances around and then whispers as if he’s admitting a state secret. “I can’t cook so it’s the cafeteria I’m afraid.” I quirk an eyebrow at that, a Knight that can’t cook? Xan’s training was rather untraditional though.  
  
I’m tucked under his arm once more as we head to the commissary, the position feels comforting, natural. The line is short as we queue for whatever slop is being served today. Maybe I can cook tea for Xan, I pull myself up short at that, don’t turn this into something it’s not. Xan is only here because he feels sorry for me- best to make the most of it.  
  
I lump a couple of things on my plate and turn to sit down before I notice that Xan is frowning at my food again. I want to change that expression so I take another serving of veg. The action gets a bright smile which warms me and for about the hundredth time I wonder why he's bothering. There are eyebrows raised by nosy Jedi as we sit together at an empty table. Being the centre of attention is awfully disconcerting so I select a seat placing my back to the majority of it.  
“How was your class?” Xan asks between mouthfuls of food. I shrug, not sure if I can be bothered with the whole small talk. He carries on as if I had answered.  
“I hated astro-nav back in the day, Master Yan could talk for _hours_ and it was just so _dull_.” His words are very true and the usually formal Knight is so earnest that a giggle escapes me. The bright smile reappears on Xan’s face.   
  
If only things could stay this way.

 


	6. Obi-Wan

_Well I’ve been afraid of changing, ‘cause I’ve built my life around you, but time made you bolder, even children get older and I’m getting older too.  
_ -Fleetwood Mac  
  
It’s not a full Council that’s stood before us and I’m glad. I’m infinitely grateful for Xan, stood beside me. I don’t know if I could do this without him. As if he can hear my thoughts, which I’m pretty sure he can’t, he places an arm around me, silently lending me his support.    
  
I try and look at my Master dispassionately and note the thinness, the pale skin and bags under his eyes. He’s a mess but even this is better than when I last saw him.  
  
Where is the infallible Jedi Master now?  
  
Even as I observe him my Master is observing me and Xan. There’s some unidentifiable emotion in his eyes and I wonder if he thinks that I’ve betrayed him. I know I haven’t. It’s an epiphany that surprises me- I am not the one in the wrong.  
“Master Jinn.” Master Windu says drawing everyone’s attention towards him. My Master bows formally but says nothing.  
  
Where is the disobedient maverick now?  
  
It’s horribly tense waiting for someone to talk, to break the awful silence that envelops the room. Master Windu is the one to speak again,  
“Questions have been raised about your ability to train a Padawan, Master Jinn.” My Master flinches almost imperceptibly but as I have yet to move my gaze I see it. It’s embarrassment, not shame that I feel over the remains of the training bond. Xan feels it too judging by the quietly radiated anger that flows from his direction.  
“I see.” My Master says calmly, he’s not looking at the Council anymore, he’s staring at me as if he can see into my soul. He stalks towards me and I have a vision of his anger when he hit me.  
  
 _This isn't right.  
  
_ When my eyes reopen Xan is in front of me, protectively shielding me from Master Jinn.  
“The Council feel that you and Padawan Kenobi should be separated.” Master Windu says, ignoring the stand-off between Knights. Master Jinn looks at me around Xan and nods once. I wish he would reach for me. Apologise. Say something. _Do something._ In the end his silence says more than anything else could _.  
_ “I wish you both the best.” He says finally and bows first to the Council and then to Xan and myself. Force, it __hurts. It shouldn’t though. I know that things haven’t been right for a long time, I should have known that things wouldn’t change now. How could they when Tahl is still dead? I am a Padawan adrift without a Master. The presence of another that once rejoiced with mine is gone. I’m breaking down inside and suddenly I don’t know if I will survive this. I don’t know if I can.  
  
I barely retain enough of my wits to bow before I flee the council chambers. The corridors merge together as I run. I don’t know what I’m seeking but I finally end up outside, away from the feeling of being trapped. In the middle of one of the gardens I drop to my knees and mourn. I mourn the loss of a Father figure that never wanted me and the loss of a Jedi Master that may never recover. 


	7. Xanatos

_It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust. Got my heart set on anywhere but here._    
-One Republic  
  
Watching Obi-Wan cry for a second time is hard. It’s hard to let him cry it out when I want to comfort him. It’s hard to see him wasting tears on someone unworthy of them. I sit to his side, a silent guardian to his grief until he places one hand on my knee and indicates that he wants to go. We’re silent and solemn as we traverse the hallways, I have no idea where Obi-Wan’s mind ventures but mine is focused on ideas that might bring some levity.  
  
Obi-Wan is easily manipulated into a few games of Sabaac and the misery lightens ever so slightly as I deliberately make a few bad plays and hand over the sweets that we have declared prizes. He knows what I’m doing but plays along anyway.  
  
The interruption of my comm going off is honestly the last thing I want or need right now. Obi-Wan and I need time to just be after the emotional turmoil of the afternoon. He hasn’t said much of anything since I found him in the garden. Jinn’s words in the council chambers reverberate in my brain and if I’m shaken by how easily Jinn gave up on him then what hope did little Obi have? There’s a part of me that’s still a bit taken aback that I care so much about the kid but then the little redhead has managed to weasel his way into so many hearts that I shouldn’t be surprised.  
“Crion.” I answer the comm after overcoming my aversion to it. I can’t resist glaring at it though despite the fact that it’s voice only.  
“The Council require your presence and that of young Kenobi.”  
“Now?” I ask.  
“Now.” They confirm. _Great,_ another summoning. Twice in one day is a record even for me.  
  
We stand side by side before the Councillors. I get no impression from them as they look at the two of us. What could they possibly want from us now? The troll crinkles his eyes while looking at me and I get the feeling that he overheard that thought. Obi-Wan is not faring well under the stress and the scrutiny of being back in the limelight. There’s silence for a very long moment that no-one seems to want to break. Very well, I decide after it goes on a bit too long, I’ll bite.  
“Masters, might I ask why we are here?” Though the words are polite I have no doubts that every single Councillor hears the frustration behind it. I just want to take Obi back to my quarters and remind him that he’s better than Jinn has ever been and that he doesn’t need the approval of a depressed old Knight.  
“You may.” Yoda says in answer to my request and I have a sudden, overwhelming urge to flick him with the Force. I refrain. Barely. **“** Announcing your intention of taking a Padawan, you are.” The green Master says calmly when I don’t take his bait.  
“You are?” Obi-Wan says before slapping his hand across his mouth as if he couldn’t believe he’d said something in a Council session. There’s more than a little shock in those two words and then I understand why we’re here.   
“I am?” I repeat jokingly to Yoda wondering if the little troll’s been planning this since the first meeting. I can’t bring myself to mind too much though, not when it means I get to be with someone so bright and wonderful. One hand has automatically reached for Obi-Wan to pull him closer to me before I relent. “Masters, I would like to take Obi-Wan Kenobi as my Padawan learner, to teach and to care for.” Obi-Wan looks at me, a mixture of wonder and delight expressed on his face. The image of the flower reappears, watered and pruned it will grow strong and healthy.   
“Approves, the Council does. For each other, good you are.” Yoda smiles down at us and the expression is rather terrifying.  
  
Obi and I bow and we leave the Council chambers as a team; Crion and Kenobi. Bet no-one saw that coming a month ago! There’s happiness radiating from Obi as we walk towards our home and I’m certain the same emotion is reflected in myself.  
  
“This makes me a Master, you know!” I sound just a fraction smug as my Padawan considers my words and pulls a face.  
“Wait, does that mean I have to obey you all the time?” He asks. I tug his braid in mock anger as he tries to duck out of my reach.  
“Absolutely.” I tell him with a wicked grin.  
“Can I take it back then?” He teases and when I look at the smile on his face I’m struck by how important this young man has become to me in so little time.  
“Most definitely not, Padawan, mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sniffs* I do love a happy ending. Let's hope I'm feeling a bit happier soon or all my fics will be this sappy.
> 
> If you were interested in the lyric quotes on the chapters:  
> 1\. Natalie Imbrulia - Torn  
> 2\. Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved  
> 3\. No Doubt - Don't Speak  
> 4\. Coldplay - The Scientist  
> 5\. We Are The Ocean - The Waiting Room  
> 6\. Fleetwood Mac - Landslide  
> 7\. One Republic -Stop and Stare
> 
> PadawanMine x


End file.
